Why I Sometimes Find it Hard to Love God

As you may know, I’m a bit of a movie buff.  One thing I love about movies is when the writer, director, and actor come together to portray an amazing, relatable character.  This kind of character allows you to really put yourself in their shoes and feel what they’re feeling: their hopes, failures, pain, and joy.  I personally believe that going through these emotions helps us to better live out our humanity.  One of the primary ways that a character becomes relatable is through their mistakes, flaws, and hardships.  These are all things that everyone understands because they’re what all humans have in common.  As Orson Scott Card says through his character Ender in “Ender’s Game,” “I think it’s impossible to really understand somebody, what they want, what they believe, and not love them the way they love themselves.”

While I’m sure there are other ways to develop love, without these qualities, I find God to be difficult to understand and relate to and therefore to love.  I read the scriptures and what they say about God can pretty much be summed up with one word: perfection.  He’s the epitome of all that is good and right.  That should make Him easy to love, but for me, it just seems so…vanilla.  He’s like the red Power Ranger or Jon Snow: the team leader who everyone likes by default.  Me?  I want someone with scars and a backstory, someone who’s three dimensional and can surprise you sometimes.  Maybe God has some of those qualities and I just haven’t found them yet.

I’ve also been wondering if a better way to know God is through the reflections of Him in the people in my life.  The Bible says that God created man in His image so, presumably, there are aspects in God in each of us.  It seems to me that facets of God’s perfection are in all of us and if I seek those out in the people I meet, and then attempt to piece them together in my mind, I can get a better picture of what God is like and hopefully that will be something I can relate to and love more deeply.  I’m still not sure about all this so if anyone has thoughts or ideas, I’d love to hear them.

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