At around the age of 25, I started to realize that I wasn’t satisfied with my job anymore. I had come to understand fairly early on that a lot of my job satisfaction comes from my relationships with the people I see every day and it was becoming more and more apparent that this job wasn’t going to provide a stable group of co-workers for me to be in relationship with. It’s the kind of job where people start working there right out of college, spend two to four years there and then move on to something bigger and better (and usually higher paying). Unfortunately, I was too afraid to leave the safety and familiarity of this job even though it was slowly becoming less and less comfortable. Several people in my life advised me to move on and look elsewhere, but I just couldn’t see myself anywhere else.
Recently, I’ve come the the realization that it’s definitely time to make a change; something, anything just as long as my life isn’t what it’s been for the last six years. Part of me thinks I just need to make a slight change in my job responsibilities just to get a bit of a taste of something different. At the opposite end of the spectrum, I sometimes get the urge to move to the other side of the country and start a new job, make new friends, find a new place to live, just new new new. Along those same lines, I’ve recently begun looking at other career possibilities. I’ve considered everything from writing, to baking, to engineering and, while those are all things I find interesting and that I think I might have some degree of aptitude for, I’ve yet to find something that I truly resonate with, something that I could say I’m passionate about. To that end, I’ve taken online questionnaires designed to point me to something I would find satisfying (so far statistician and actuary are the front runners), had conversations with friends and mentors, and next week, I have an appointment with the on-campus career center to get job counseling.
Relationships are another big part of this whole deal. I have abandonment issues due to losing several significant friendships over my life and most of my friends have yet to truly settle down so I’m in constant fear they’ll pickup and take off on me. That’s part of what led me to apply for a job a thousand miles from the only place I’ve ever known and why I was so conflicted about it all during the application and interview process. One day I’d wake up hoping and praying that I’d get the job and be able to leave everything behind and the next, I’d be terrified that I’d end up in some new place with no support system and missing my friends and family, but unable to take back my decision. The thing that finally made the decision for me (aside from being taken out of the running after my fourth phone interview) was when my good friends really invited me to be a part of their lives and made me feel like family. They’re teaching their 10 month old daughters to call me Uncle Matt and being very intentional about spending time with me and that means everything.
A part of me still wants to just throw caution to the wind, weigh anchor, and take off on an adventure, but that’s not me. Anyone who knows me will tell you that’s pretty much the opposite of who I am. Sure, I make small decisions on a whim, but big decisions, those I just don’t make. I just avoid anything that will cause any major shift in the way I live my life and let the circumstances around me direct my path. So far, it’s worked out alright, but I definitely need to start being intentional about how I live my life before it’s too late. Tomorrow is my 29th birthday and I can’t imagine being in this lost place of indecision in my 30s so that gives me a full year to get somewhere or at least make significant steps in a direction. I’m praying to God for wisdom and guidance, for friends and mentors to speak into my life, and for a path to reveal itself in whatever way that may happen.