A couple weeks ago, I finally got around to telling my parents about my struggles with SSA (only took me 16 years). I was really nervous though I’m not really sure why since I was fairly sure I knew how they would take it and I was pretty much right on the money. My dad had more to say than I was expecting (two whole sentences!) and my mom was less emotional than I would have predicted, but other than that, right on the money. What I didn’t expect, and what I should have been more worried about, is what came in the following days and weeks.
My parents are suddenly expressing a renewed interest in my life which is unfortunate because I specifically planned to tell them at a time when I wouldn’t have occasion to see them for a few weeks so that things could die down and get back to normal. My mom keeps calling, texting, sending me Facebook messages, and emailing trying to wedge herself in somewhere she really hasn’t been in the last couple years. While this would be encouraging that she’s trying to connect with me, I can’t shake the feeling that the real motivation is that she’s worried I’m not being a good enough Christian and that if she’s not constantly checking up on me, that I’m going to have some kind of major screw up. I wish she would just ask because then I could tell her I’m in a better place in this regard than I’ve ever been and I’m about as safe from messing up as possible. I don’t get the sense that she’s trying to be a part of my life as family who loves me unconditionally, but as some counselor that I didn’t ask for who’s trying to fix me. In reality, I’m broken in so many other ways that she doesn’t even know about and right now, I’d rather just try and figure this out on my own.